The Last Gunfighter Ballad

Well it's now the end of February and the white daemons are still falling from the sky. When looking at different forms of optimism, no matter how many more times it snows it will sooner-or-later go away. Living in the Northeast makes you become evasive to simple realizations of nice weather. I never thought I would spend my winter days training outside for cycling. Each day training in the winter was a struggle. Right after work I would spend fifteen minutes suiting up 5+ pounds of winter cycling gear before duct taping my booties so the cold crisp Nordic air would not invade my already numb feet. But, this year's winter training made me a little more mentally tough, a tiny bit more hard as a competitive cyclist.

On another subject....

I will never totally figure out the inner working of a Woman's mind. I sometimes would gloat about myself and other men who attempted to relish on thinking we understood what women wanted to hear. This has been the first time I have ever lived with the girl I dated. While many people might be saying been there done that, well for me it's a first and I'm realizing I have so much to learn!

The first lesson I have learned is that women in general want men to listen more. Sometimes we "men" think we have a solution to every woman's problem. NO! What they want from us is to just sit, listen, and smile :) Boy this is hard! It seems there is something ingrained into the males brain and nervous system about responding to a female. I do believe men are good listeners but horrible at figuring out problems that do not concern us. The point I'm trying to make is we (men) need to bite our tongue before lending our words of moral support. Yes these revelations can only be exemplified by experiences.

This is an abbreviated versions of today's post....headed out for a ride. Be back later for some more writing.

2010 Updates

Happy New Year everyone. I'm back in New Jersey from a two week stint on Long Island. I went home to see my family and make some money walking dogs for my old boss. It felt good to be back on the Island to rejoice, and gather my thoughts about the future. Being at home gives us the opportunity to remain nostalgic but positive about changes in our lives. While this might be obvious to many to me it seems the older I get the less I'm calling my parents house home. As we age something inside of us tells us it's time to grow up, start a family, or just simply move on to the next stage in this complicated world we live in. For the first time in my life I'm happy away from home. I am truly starting to fall in love with Maija. She is a great girl and has welcomed me into her home with open arms. Her smile lights up my world and the very fact we can sit around and make each other laugh over the smallest of things gives me goosebumps. Many girls would be apprehensive about starting a new, serious relationship after getting divorced but I pride her on moving on with her life and taking one step in a positive direction. Life is all about change and adapting to what is thrown in our face. Relationships are the glue which keeps us guessing about all the What If's, Could, Would, and Should. It it a nice feeling when two people can come home to each other and truly be happy. I wish this was the case in all relationships. I have a friend who is in a relationship with their significant other who tends to be controlling, and yet while they might seem in control it is the other person who is dominates the relationship. Usually in this case the person who is being controlled is also the one who ends the relationship. I hope they can find a way to balance each other out. If we do not tell our significant other how we feel then we are selling ourselves and our kinship short. What is so unique about every individual is how each relationship differs from the next. I have always believed it is those relationships that continue to have open lines of communication grow and prosper. I see it in those friends who have been together for years. I see how well they communicate with each other. How they will wear their heart on their shoulder for that person to see everyday. It is true we all do not posses this characteristic but that doesn't meant we can not obtain it. Maybe you wish your significant other would communicate better with you, or that you feel you need to open your feelings to them more. Give it a try. Chances are at first they may shut you out. But if word it correctly it can end with approval rather than refusal. If we never take a chance on saying how we feel then we will never know how the other person will react. At times yes it is better to bite your lip but do not keep that thought or feeling inside permanently. Come back once you have given yourself time to digest and go about sharing your feelings in a different manner. We need to continue expressing our feelings to one and another. Maybe start with an E-mail or a phone call, then once the foundation has been set move on to a face to face conversation. Technology gives us many ways to share our compassion with others. But leave yourself open to variety. Don't just text and E-mail 100% of the time. Or vice versa, do not always confront in person if you tend to be a bit on the louder side (like me). Do we all need to be in relationships? of course not but it is my belief a story, idea, or experience is better shared with someone than without. We all seem to be seeking a balance in life. A balance of money, health, time, friendship, and rest. A balance of solidarity, togetherness, and most importantly nature.

The balance I seek is yet to be accomplished or even half found. For the past two years I have dedicated myself to bicycle racing. Instead of going out and working a 9-5 job I choose to find mediocre employment which would grant me the opportunity to train and race. I tend to live a life without regrets. If money was not a problem I probably would have been racing in in Europe.

In any cases greatness can be achieved in a a variety of ways. But at what cost? How many other people and experiences do we have to shut out in order reach these goals? Not all goals are obtained with negative side effects but sometimes it seems near or next to impossible to not be selfish when your mind is on auto pilot.

I have found endurance sports to be both exhilarating but yet a selfish feat. Cycling is a sport where you need to learn to suffer within before you can consider yourself worthy of the sport. It doesn't matter what category racer we are but if we can't learn to suffer than we will always remain mediocre. A life of mediocrity is not the way I intend to live.

This weekend I'll be heading to New Hevaen CT to take part in the Yale University Police Physical and Written test. I wish it was done on one day but for some reason they split itup on two different days. Then on Monday I have my oral board interview with the Delaware State Police. At this point I'm using every opportunity to get as many offers as I can in a bunch of different Police Departments. Once the application process is over and if I am offered a position I'll make a decision if that is where I want to go. I also landed a job as a dog handler at a dog daycare facility. The pay is not that good but it's close to Maija's house and I can take Cooper and Frito with me. I probably won't take them everyday or they will get burnt out from all the excitement. Another good perk about the job is that it's only 7 miles away so once Spring comes I'll be able to commute by bicycle instead of driving. I can't tell you how happy that makes me! Maybe one day I'll live in a town where I can commute everywhere by bicycle.

Time to play with the pups and relax for the night.

Until next time.

A

Very Random Thoughts...

Have you ever been in the shower had soap all over your body but still felt dirty?

Life would be a lot different without cars.

Maybe one day I'll get another tattoo. But only on my back and have my brother do the art work.

Don't you love that feeling you get after 1-3 beers. That warm fuzzy feeling you get where you can still comprehend reality but you don't care too. Where you are standing on a tight rope of perception and idealism?

Doesn't it feel good to be in love? Really really good?

Doesn't it feel good to type sometimes, not knowing who is going to read what you wrote? Ah the mystery in it.

Have you ever just wanted to drive over other cars, through cars, and around cars but something kept you from doing the unthinkable?

Have you ever been so cold you were hot?

Ugh dog walking makes me think a lot. Too cold for an ipod....

Have you ever been so scared of something but then hit fear right in the face and jumped in with two feet?

Do you challenge yourself enough?

I love all dogs but I LOVE certain dogs.

Why does time slow down when you want it to speed up and vice versa?

Are endurance athletes crazy obsessed or is everyone else?

Have you ever wanted to listen to someone but not respond?

I'm writing this is non-paragraph form for no apparent reason.

Love, cycling, reading, dogs, dogs, dogs, dreaming.

We hear people but we rarely listen.

Time to cycle. Time to cycle. Time to cycle.

I'm my mothers therapy when I'm hope. I sit and listen when she does stuff but sometimes don't respond. Makes me laugh :)

Craving an update...

I know it's been a while since I've written. I hope my 8 followers do not take it personally but sometimes I need to recharge, refuel, and renovate my inner reasoning. There is a side of me that wants to write and update my blog consistently but then I start to fringe and vilify the rationale behind a daily blog. Daily, weekly, monthly? I tend to be an extroverted person. I say and tell things how they are and wear my heart on my shoulder. But, there is this small side to myself that represses, and awaits a chance to write here. Sometimes It's OK to keep ideas and feelings inside but only if you are able to control those sensations.

I have no real end to this segment :)

I spent this past weekend at Maija's house in New Jersey. It was a lazy weekend (except training) but I had a great time like always. We got hit with a bad snow storm and had some fun playing with the dogs in the snow.

I have always acted as a calm assertive leader around dogs but I'm beginning to become a bit of a sap for Frito & Cooper. I ironically enough never have spent serious time 24+ hours with the same dogs. There were specific traits I had not learned about our fury four legged friends. Maija and her dogs taught me a good strong leader does not need to run the show 24/7. During specific times during the day it is important to establish yourself as the pack leader. Other times are meant for the "pack" to enjoy each others company.

I think my Dad needs a dog. While it's no business of mine I wish they would look past the notion that it's Bonnie's house. (Bonnie the cat)

Humans tend to place superficial roles to animals instead of maybe realizing that all animals can and will get along with the right type of leadership. Of course this will come a bit easier when it is the same type of animal, but who's afraid of a little challenge? My parents seem to think this is Bonnie's house and not "our" house. All animals have this instinct to either lead or follow. We all play a role in natures game. Which one do you see yourself as? Maybe a little of both?

How have dogs impacted your life? Emotionally? Physically?

I might not get a chance to post again until after the new year. The coming days are going to be filled with training, walking 10+ dogs a day (not in a row), eating, sleeping, and repeating. It's good money so that is the most complaining I'll do. After the new year I'll be headed back to Jersey where I hope to find employment, train my butt off for the coming race season, and get into a Police Academy. Hopefully in that order!

Be well, and have a happy and healthy New Year.
A

Back on Long Island

Got back to Long Island today. I'll be here walking dogs for some extra money during the Holiday season. I'm still on the hunt for a part-time job while I go through the whole Police application process. It's not as easy as I thought because I need to find a job that has a varied schedule or will be humble because I'll constantly need to take days off so I can travel for different portions of the process. Most Police application processes are the same. The only difference is the order in which they complete the affair. The majority of Police applications consist of a written and physical exam, oral board interview, polygraph exam, medial review, and interview with the Chief of Police. WOW! It's a long and stressful process but definitely worth it in the long run. Well, that is if law enforcement is the career path you are interested in.

Yesterday I took the City of Wilmington (Delaware) physical fitness test. Like the other tests I have taken in the past it consisted of push-ups, sit-ups, and a 1.5 mile run. The run didn't go as well as I had planned. My back was getting tight after going through the mile in 5:50. The past few weeks I've been training hard on the bike. My coach Mike has been giving me some intense workouts so I couldn't expect to run fast than 9:00. I ended up running 9:10 but I was all alone. The next guy was about two minutes behind me. I was a bit surprised to see people walking during the run. It seemed as if they gave up way too easily.

Time for some family dinner!

A

Customer Service with a FROWN?

I was not going to post until the end of the weekend but I had to let off a little steam after Maija and I had a recent trip to a local running store called Sneaker Factory. We walked into the store and noticed the woman helping another gentleman. I'm an observant person and right away I started listening to her tone and energy with the man she was helping. Her responses were quick, jumpy, and at most she gave off a sense that it was a privilege for people to be shopping here.

After a while Maija had to chase the woman down to try on a pair of shoes. "I'd like to try on a pair of these" Maija said to the woman. "Oh well your going to have to order those" the woman responded. Then the woman went on to tell Maija what she "needed" not what she "might" want to try. Maija preceded to try on the pair of shoes and ran around the store for a bit to get a feel for them. The woman was gone before we knew it and when she returned it didn't seem sensible to ask Maija how they felt or if she wanted to try anything else on.

Next it was my turn. Although I do not consider myself a runner anymore I always like to try on different racing flats to see the new innovations companies have come out with. I wanted to try on the Luna Racers. They reminded me of the Nike Mayfly's. Remember those shoes you could wear for 100k and then they fell apart?
I was not interested in buying them but their luminous neon green grabbed my attention and started pulling me in saying "Put me on your feet spaceman". The woman said to me "They are like running barefoot". "Oh? So they are similar to the Nike Free's?" I retorted. "NO, they are not". Boom done end of conversation. At this point her voice had gotten loud and obnoxious. I didn't even care to try on the shoes at this point but I kept staring at the green shoe on the display case and it's gravitational force was too much to bear. Was I actually in a running store or was I in line at a food store on Long Island?

Endurance sports (to me) are about community not about making sales. I can't think about a time where I've been in a cycling or running shop and had a bad customer service experience. This woman had no intention of growing a rapport with any of her customers. While this might seem acceptable in the majority of retail shops, small running and cycling store should want to embrace every customer they come in contact with.

When Maija was checking out at the register she told the woman she used to run for their team. The woman responded by saying "So?". WOW! She is lucky I was flipping through a magazine across the store. This woman should not be working at a running store, with little kids, dogs, or any contact with anything living because she obviously has no perception of how to deal or handle a humble conversation.

After the shop Maija and I headed over to the local dog park where we let the dogs run loose for a while. Unfortunately we didn't have the best experience because there was an unsafe dog with an unstable owner. I'm not going to get into details today about this because I don't want the whole post to be negative.

Lastly we headed over to Liberty Cycle because I could not for the life of me get my old cycling pedals off. They have been on numerous bikes and needed to be changed. I rode one morning with the Liberty Cycle group ride and saw some of the most beautiful scenery. Greg the owner is a nice guy. It would be nice to join their cycling club but I do not have an extra $60 to join right now. If I get some extra money I think I'll join even if I'm racing for a different team. They are a great group of guys and I like to support local area shops.

Wish me luck in my Police Physical Test tomorrow!

A

Coffee, Dog, Cats, & Life

I had a tough workout yesterday on the trainer. I think it was more mentally tough than physically. The workout was only 2 X 20 minutes @ 225 Watts. 225 is well below my threshold in season. I don't produce the most amount of watts unless going uphill because I only weigh 135. But my Watts per KG is not too bad. My goal by the time April rolls around is to have my Threshold / Tempo watts around 300. I never realized the benefits a power meter can have for my training until I started using one. While there is never one standard way to train for anything it's nice when you can use a technological tool in order to establish a guideline. I know it's only December but 225 should feel easy and yesterday it felt like a chore. Ironically enough I'm realizing it's a lot harder psychologically than physically.

Once the pain starts setting in it's good to try and accept it rather than rebel.

A long time ago back in 2001 when I was in boot camp for the Army there was a quote that a Drill Sergent said to me during a long road march. While many might have heard this quote it has always stuck with me when the going gets tough. He said to me "Your mind will give out before your body does." There have been many times I wanted to cut a workout short or even not train for the day. In the end all the times I made it through those tough days running or on the bike I still felt a sense of accomplishment. There will always be days where you are sore, tired, or stressed out. The most simple cure is a small dose of exercise. This does not mean you have to hop on a bicycle, run, or even swim. Maybe you have a dog. A quick game of hide-and-go-seek with your pup can take your mind off the present. This is something I regularly do with my girlfriends doggies. I'll keep them downstairs and then find a good hiding spot. Once I'm good and ready I'll call them up and try to act as silent as possible. Frito the "hunter" usually sniffs me out first. It doesn't take much to get the mind off of the stress you might be having. While this example or others may only be a temporary fix, it's sometimes does more good than harm.
On Sunday I'll be taking the City of Wilmington's Police Physical Fitness Test in Delaware. I think if I run under 8:30 for the 1.5 mile I'll be considered in the 99th percentile. It's funny but I never thought I would be worried about running 8:30 for a mile and a half. For the Delaware State Police test I went out way too hard. 35 seconds for the first 200! On Sunday I'll try a lot harder to run a more consistent pace. For an in shape cyclist and an out of shape runner 8:30 shouldn't be too difficult. You might be wondering why I'm looking to work in Delaware. Well, there are not many Police Departments hiring. I can't find one department in New Jersey that has openings. I already took the NYPD test so I'm still waiting to hear back from them. The whole police application is a long and stressful process that can take anywhere from 6 months to a year. Wilmington PD is looking to hire by February and have an academy start date of March. Lets hope I get picked! Ultimately I still need to think about where I want to start my law enforcement career but sometimes you have to start somewhere out of your element.

There are the physical standards for the TEST.

If I don't write until Sunday enjoy the weekend!

A

Oh and here is a video to make you laugh!